i don’t write this post as a “wah wah why me?” sort of thing. more of a, “hey, you have no idea the remarks that you might make that can affect someone for the rest of their lives” sort of thing.
when i was in the 5th grade, a boy told me i was too fat to wear bodysuits. i was devastated, because i wore them a lot (with vests and crimped hair). i even got one for my birthday that was really fancy (from the grown-up ladies department of, i think, Dillards?) it was black with sheer, long sleeves that ended with ruffles at the wrists. he said it when i was wearing that exact one. i stopped wearing bodysuits that year.
when i was about 19, on a family trip to Vegas, my dad made fun of me for eating 2 bowls of cereal for breakfast. thus started my “secret eating”. you know, eat an appropriate proportion in front of people only to binge at home when no one is looking.
when i was (age i won’t mention), i lost about 20 pounds and got my first boyfriend. i assumed it was because i was newly skinny and i was super confident about that. then boyfriend told me i was the biggest of the girls he’d ever dated. not in a mean way, just sort of conversationally. don’t worry, he still told me i was attractive. it’s fun having sex with someone when you know they aren’t use to a gut on a woman.
these are the 3 milestones that have lead me to constantly be on the look-out for weight gain. it can be annoying to people that i’m a bit obsessed with healthy eating (save for the alcohol) and exercise. trust me, i miss the old me too. i was probably more fun. not a care in the world. cheetohs dipped in cheese dip anyone? i miss the Dollar Menu at McDonalds. i miss ice cream. i miss that second bowl of Golden Grahams.
also, apparently my definition of a “more fun Dez” is just the same personality i have now but eating a lot.
